Thoughts In My Head

there was a trend on twitter: #ToMyFutureSon, and it got me thinking, what would I want to say to my future son? The things I want to say right now aren’t really things I would actually say to him, but teach him with experience as he grows up. I think I’ll treat this like a love letter to my future son(s), because I am going to love him no matter what.

Dear Future Son(s) of mine, 

First off, you’re very lucky to have me as your father. I’m pretty awesome. You’ll think that for a few year, then maybe you’ll hate me, but the kind of hate that mean I’m teaching you the right way. I don’t want you to hate me because I’m a terrible father, like one who leaves you or one who abuses you. I want to be a father you’ll love. Your mom and I are going to love you no matter what. You’ll mostly grow up Catholic and I would love for you to be, and if for any reason you find out you don’t want to be Catholic or you become atheist. I’m not going to disown you, I’ll just laugh and say you’re going through a phase in your life. You’ll argue with me, but I found out that there are some things that happen that can’t be explained through science and reason and logic, but it’s reasonable to say that God has to be behind some of these things. I dare you to argue with me, you’re still going to fucking lose. Anyways, like I said, I’ll still love you.

and with that topic of loving you, no matter what: I should address that if you turn out to be like dudes, or both dudes and chicks, or you want to be a chick… I’m gonna be honest with you and tell you that being a tranny is gonna weird me the fuck out more than you liking dudes. I like to think of myself as progressive thinking and open minded, so if you like dudes. Let it be, right? it’s still going to weird me out if I see you kissing dudes, and it’s really going to weird me out if i even think about you doing other dudes, that just means I’m straight, but I will never ever make you feel terrible about who you are, and I’ll support you. You’re still my son, I’ll never abandon or disown you, and I’ll love you no matter what.

One of the things I want to teach you in life as you grow up, is to not be such a little bitch. and hear me out, this is just how i talk , but what I mean is: don’t be scared of things that will stop you from doing the things you really want to do. be confident and brave. Chase your dreams, live an exciting young life, learn your lessons. Sometimes confidence is born within a person, but it can also be made. confidence will get destroyed, but I will teach you to build it up higher and stronger. You are awesome. Remember that. Your mom and I didn’t fall in love and have you so we could have a non-awesome kid. You’re gonna be awesome no matter what. plus, chicks dig confidence.

I’m gonna make you do sports, because it has to do with the confidence part, but mostly, I want you to find something you’re good at that doesn’t make you a lazy pile. You’re gonna wrestle, play football, soccer, basketball, or whatever. I’ll have you dance, and i’ll make you work out. trust me, you’ll like it and what it does to your body. You’ll feel and look great.

One of the things I want to teach you is to learn from experience, but also to learn from the experience of others. Your mother and I will be the first teachers you’ll ever have. We’ve had more experience living life, than you’rel little smart ass has ever lived. We’ve made good and bad choices and we’ll teach you how to live smart and help you avoid some serious mistakes. Regardless of what happens, you’re going to make mistakes in your life, but hopefully you can avoid the mistakes that can cost you your life, either by death or to totally crush your soul. Talk to us, learn from us and others, and you’ll be a wise man, maybe a wise guy, but most importantly, a wise man.

One of the things my dad, your grandfather (may God bless him to ever get to know you) , promised is that he wanted to be a good father to me. I promise to be a better father. I promise to give you a life worth being told in stories.

I also promise to never spoil you. “You want that toy and it’s not your birthday or christmas? mow the lawn” “you want to go to that party this friday with your friends? is your homework done, bed made, and laundry done?” “oh you want to talk back to me? talk back to my middle finger” “you wanna disrespect your mom? how about you go fetch your car keys in the middle of the night, you snotty bastard.” I may sound harsh and this is more or less how I’ll be with you, but I’ll never raise a spoiled, rotten child. You WILL be respectful, and you WILL work hard for things you want. there’s no handouts in life so you gotta work for what you want. And you don’t get respect unless you give it out first.

Just remember, I’m 19 years old as I’m writing this. Some of my views will mature as I get older, I have more things to learn and i still have to find a wife. But these are some of the things i wanted to say. this till be like a time capsule of what i wrote when I was 19. let’s see how many of these things I fulfill and see how many I exceed.

October 31, 2012.

with love, forever and always,

Gabriel Tejeda-Benitez

1. Movies/Filmmaking
2. Bboying/dancing

These are the things that I think/know I will love, forever and always.

I love making and watching movies too much to totally stop. I may go on a break from that but I will always come back to watching and making movies. I love making movies, I want to make a living off making movies. I enjoy the whole filmmaking production and spending time with people who share the same passion as I do and who support me in making movies. Since I was a kid, I studied how to make movies. I would always want to go to the special features menu to see how the movie was made during production and telling myself that I wanted to do that! Movies will forever be in my heart.

I love to dance, especially break dance! I said it before and I’ll say it again: ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been attracted to break dancing. When I hear the music flow through me, the only dance that goes through my body is bboy moves. these past two year, I’ve been going to practice more often and I am told that I am getting better and that makes me happy. I’ve met new people, been to new places, and made new friends. Bboying will forever be in my heart.

Things are looking good :)

This weekend, I am going to my first out-of-state bboy (break dance) competition! It’s in St. Louis and it’s called Illist King. I’m very excited for this competition and I’ve been practicing all of last month long for this.

I know for myself and in my humble opinion that I’m probably not the best dancer there and that I might not do the best, BUT I will dance to the best of my ability and I will dance my heart out and my muscles out! I’m excited to leave Iowa for a weekend and do what I love to do with minimal worries!

Also, I’m starting my classes up again! I have Math 2 (which is pretty much Calculus II) and I have Consumer Analysis for this month. It looks like a pretty fair month, Consumer Analysis seems like a bunch of reading and memorizing for tests and writing good papers. Math 2 seems a little difficult, but I have Wolframalpha to help me out a bit.

Trying to keep myself positive and learning new things. Mass last weekend said that God loves me no matter what, no matter what our mistakes are and that at confession, when we spill our troubles out, that they are forgiven. God forgives us. We just have to forgive ourselves. I’m still forgiving myself and I am looking forward and working out my salvation.

Good Judgement comes from Experience. Experience comes from Bad Judgement.

This I learn the hard way. But I keep moving forward…

I love making movies and this weekend (July 27-29, 2012) I will get the chance to make a movie with a little help from my friends and that movie will be shown in a movie theater! Making movies is what I love to do. In June, I decided to make a movie every weekend to prepare for the 48 Hour Film Project. I’ve made more movies this year than I have my whole life. I’ve written and directed and camera op-ed pretty much every movie and I loved it. I loved being able to write down a story—my story— and i loved being able to direct it and tell my actors what to do, I loved being able to be behind the camera and also I loved editing the movie as well.

This weekend I’m going to be doing what I love to do, and I’ll be doing it with friends and my family will be supporting me. I’m going to love seeing my movie on the big screen at one of our local movie theaters. I hope and pray to God that nothing that i can’t handle happens this weekend. I worded it that way because, I know we’re going to hit some speed bumps during the weekend as we’re making a short film in just 48 Hours.

Movies. I love movies.