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Mar 16, 2013

Meeting Dooley

Dustin Dooley is probably one of the coolest person I have met so far. He is going to be the director for a feature film produced in Des Moines, Iowa.

I got invited to his house to hang out a little bit, get to know each other, talk shop (movies and stuff). I asked if I could invite a friend: my movie friend, Ali, but she already had something to do; my longboard friend Bill, but he was turning in for the night. So i thought I’d invite my dad and my brother and we went to his house.

Dustin greeted us in and he was really cool! He showed us his editing studio, his stabilizer, his camera (Red Scarlet) and some of his artwork that he has hanging in his living room. 

We talked about movies and what we do, I got to show him a little bit of what I’ve done in the past year and he liked it! That was so cool to hear and I told him about my experience and he said he’d like to hire me to edit.

My dad was with us and with my dad, our conversation evolved into just two people getting acquainted with this movie director to actually a couple of friends telling each other stories and exchanging viewpoints and ideas, so we’d steer off filmmaking for a bit and then come back. My dad would point things out for me and show me off and criticize me, but it all helped me to get a spark going that would get me to work with Dooley on the movie and future projects!

I liked Dooley a lot, he’s a humble guy and a very interesting artistic person. From what me and my father have talked with him, I can tell he’s going to be a great guy to work with and as a potential new friend working together on a shared passion.

I’m thankful to God, because I think that even through my own free will, I found the path I was supposed to take to walk towards my passion in life. I cannot wait for what will come next and I cannot wait to work on this feature film.

Mar 9, 2013

Sub Sonic Social, Des Moines, Iowa, March 8, 2013

  • danced with a lot of hot girls
  • had a great time with some friends
  • met some awesome new friends
  • made out with this cutie
  • stuck my face it a really hot girl’s ass, and it was awesome (video proof)
  • danced my ass off
  • literally laughed out loud
  • had a great fucking time
Mar 7, 2013

Story Time: Friends and Family

I remember one time I reallyu made my dad upset because I came home later than I was supposed to when I was 10 or 11 years old.

I was friends with this kid named Andrew. He wasn’t what some would necessarily call, a good kid; he was kind of a rebel and got in trouble. But I thought he was cool.

He had a birthday party at a nearby park. His dad, step-mom, step-sister, and step-brother were the ones throwing him the party and I was his only friend to be there at his birthday party. After I got permission to go to his party, Andrew and I rode our bikes to the park. His party wasn’t very big, like I sad. And it consisted of the usual birthday things: friend and family, birthday cake, and presents.

He had gotten a Nintendo 64 and we went back to his house to play on it. I knew I had to be home because it was getting dark, but he wanted me to stay a little loner to play some video games, so I agreed to stay. We played WWE Smackdown. He loved it.

A knock comes from his door and it’s his mom telling us that my dad was waiting outside for me. I knew I was in big trouble. I was supposed to be home hours ago. I walk outside and in the night, my dad is standing on the sidewalk and he looks more pissed off than I’ve ever seen him. He yells at me and spanks me, and questions me as we walk home; three houses away.

We walk inside my house and in the the living room, my mom is standing there waiting. My dad wasn’t finished yet either: he yells louder and spanks me harder. He tells me how he was worried that I hadn’t come home and asking why I didn’t come home on time. I stand there frozen and crying. He slaps my face and demands an answer. I see his frown quiver a bit and hear his voice crack a little. All i could say was that I didn’t know and that I was sorry. He crushes my soul when he tells me that I lost his trust. He tells my mom to get me to take a shower and send me to bed.

I’m shaking as I’m taking off my clothes to shower and my mom is there helping me. I tell her that I was really scared of dad tonight. She tells me that I scared him more than he scared me, because he was worried that I didn’t come home. So I take my cold shower and head off to bed.

Years later, I finally understand what happened that night. A worried father, scared that his oldest son at 10/11 years old didn’t come home when he was supposed to and a friend who just wanted to spend more time with his friend on his birthday, because this was the most time that he would ever spend with a friend on his birthday.

Oct 5, 2012


Things are looking good :)

This weekend, I am going to my first out-of-state bboy (break dance) competition! It’s in St. Louis and it’s called Illist King. I’m very excited for this competition and I’ve been practicing all of last month long for this.

I know for myself and in my humble opinion that I’m probably not the best dancer there and that I might not do the best, BUT I will dance to the best of my ability and I will dance my heart out and my muscles out! I’m excited to leave Iowa for a weekend and do what I love to do with minimal worries!

Also, I’m starting my classes up again! I have Math 2 (which is pretty much Calculus II) and I have Consumer Analysis for this month. It looks like a pretty fair month, Consumer Analysis seems like a bunch of reading and memorizing for tests and writing good papers. Math 2 seems a little difficult, but I have Wolframalpha to help me out a bit.

Trying to keep myself positive and learning new things. Mass last weekend said that God loves me no matter what, no matter what our mistakes are and that at confession, when we spill our troubles out, that they are forgiven. God forgives us. We just have to forgive ourselves. I’m still forgiving myself and I am looking forward and working out my salvation.

Good Judgement comes from Experience. Experience comes from Bad Judgement.

This I learn the hard way. But I keep moving forward…

Me and her are in this 50/50. There should be no reason you should be okay with being friends with her if you don’t want to be friends with me. We both fucked up and fucked you over. If i deserve to get my ass kicked, she deserves just as much!
Anon, damn
Oct 2, 2012
Oct 2, 2012 / 266,397 notes
Oct 2, 2012

going back in time

If I could go back in time at least three months, give or take so I could tell someone I don’t want to be friends with her.

I would and I know exactly when.

I would tell her to go fuck herself and to never talk to me again.

Sep 11, 2012 / 2 notes

You ever look out the window on a bus and become a philosopher?

Put in some earphones/headphones and turn your music on, look outside that window you’re sitting next to and think aboutlife. Some of the things I think about is all the mistakes I’ve made and all the things I wish I could have done differently. I think about how things happen for a reason, and wonder why did those things have to happen and what are they leading to? A thought that came through my mind was, am I making these huge fucking mistakes as a tool to learn and to impart my hard earned wisdom upon others?

Why me?

Why did I have to get in trouble? Why did I have to get busted? Why did I have to destroy a friendship? Why did I get involved? Why, why, why? I have learned from my past mistakes and I continue to make new ones…and fuck, I learn the hard way.

Another question I like to ask myself and probably a question you may have asked yourself is, where is my life going or how will I ever get to where I want to be? I sit and think about what I want to do and how I want to do it. What do I have to do to get to where I want to be?

Why me? Where am I going? What’s going to happen?

Aug 24, 2012

Anonymous said: One day everyone will see past your fake exterior and meet the real asshole which is you. Then you will be alone. I will be happy when that day comes.

yeah, that asshole has come and gone, but may sometimes return for a brief moment. My exgirlfriend got too much of that asshole the last three months we went out. You would’ve been really happen then. But you think you know me. But you don’t. you may read some of my tumblr post or maybe you’re OOMF on twitter or facebook and read some of the things i say and then you think you know me. Maybe you’re friend of mine who has gotten to hang out with me and know me a little, but you don’t know me enough. Honestly, there’s really only one person who knows me more than some of my family members, but she broke up with me 6 months ago. I have so many exteriors that you probably only got to see a few of them.  I’m not an asshole, I’m a human being. You want to meet an asshole? go stick your head between your ass. and don’t talk to me about being alone. I know what that is, i’ve felt it, i’ve faced it myself. I’m not afraid to be alone, but the thing is that I’m never alone. never. you might be happy for a little bit if you do see me alone, but just  know that no matter what, I’m still going to be happier than you, whoever you are. I find my happiness and i fight for it. i don’t let any loneliness or negative feelings bring me down. those are the demons i fight everyday. So excuse me for saying this, but fuck you. fuck for you thinking you know me that you wish a curse upon me. fuck you for looking for happiness in the sadness of others. and this might seem contradictory to what i’ve said to you so far, but may God help you to open your closed eyes and mind and to bring you positive things.

Pick up a camera. Shoot something. No matter how small, no matter how cheesy, no matter whether your friends and your sister star in it. Put your name on it as director. Now you’re a director. Everything after that you’re just negotiating your budget and your fee
James Cameron
Jul 25, 2012 / 1 note
Jul 25, 2012 / 1 note

Doing what I love

I love making movies and this weekend (July 27-29, 2012) I will get the chance to make a movie with a little help from my friends and that movie will be shown in a movie theater! Making movies is what I love to do. In June, I decided to make a movie every weekend to prepare for the 48 Hour Film Project. I’ve made more movies this year than I have my whole life. I’ve written and directed and camera op-ed pretty much every movie and I loved it. I loved being able to write down a story—my story— and i loved being able to direct it and tell my actors what to do, I loved being able to be behind the camera and also I loved editing the movie as well.

This weekend I’m going to be doing what I love to do, and I’ll be doing it with friends and my family will be supporting me. I’m going to love seeing my movie on the big screen at one of our local movie theaters. I hope and pray to God that nothing that i can’t handle happens this weekend. I worded it that way because, I know we’re going to hit some speed bumps during the weekend as we’re making a short film in just 48 Hours.

Movies. I love movies.

Jul 18, 2012 / 3 notes


Beautiful. Who has the right to call someone beautiful or not? Who has the right to call someone ugly? Personally, I think I know what beautiful is. Beautiful is when I feel a powerful sensation in my heart that stops me from breathing and makes me stop and think about the moment when I can capture the ‘beautiful moment’. I’ve seen it in the eyes of my ex girlfriend, Abby. No one else knows this but me and her, but we’ve shared timeless moments where we lay down on the bed and I would just stare into her eyes. I remember specifically one time where I realized the beauty in Abby. I was staring deep into her eyes. I wasn’t saying a word to her, but I was having a conversation with God. What did I say?

"God, I know that, maybe Abby isn’t the prettiest girl, and I know I’m not the most handsome guy either. She may have some faults, as do I. But when I look into her eyes, I see all the good that I have learned from her. She’s a good person with a big heart and her mind on others. I’m so close to Abby that I can smell her scent, but mostly look into her eyes and she looks back at me and her eyes seem bigger, wide open for me and I can see a little smile from her…and I see beauty. She’s beautiful."

I realized as I kept talking to God, that God gave me this opportunity to see a beauty in this person that it changed how I looked at her, and I fell in love with her again that day.

Unfortunately things changed, because I hit a rock bottom depression and I started to be really bad with Abby while we were away from each other. it eventually led to our break up. Months later, after the sadness and hating her and finally picking myself up from rock bottom. I can say that, I don’t hate her at all. I do still love her. It’s a different love now between her and I (it may not be mutual, but at least in my perspective there’s love) I know she a good person and she’s human, and I want her to be happy. 

She’s a beautiful girl. I will not allow anyone to call her the opposite, because they do not know her like I do.

Is this a letter to her saying I want her back or that I’m not over her? meh. She’s my first love guys, can’t forget about her at all. Do I want her back? I actually just want her back as a friend, but if its more, plus. She’s better off without me, though. Right now, I can’t give her the things that her Billy-Currington-look-alike boyfriend probably gives and might give her.

This is just a post saying that I know she’s beautiful, because I know her wants and desires and dreams, her passions her interests, and they’re beautiful, just like her.

That’s beauty. Hopefully I can find it again in another person.

Jul 7, 2012 / 51 notes


Jun 16, 2012


I actually haven’t been as nearly as happy this summer until last night. spending the night with some old and new friends and having a drink with them is probably the best thing I could ask for. even my ex was there and things were totally fine and I spent the night talking to everybody and said hi to all. I danced and joked and played around. It was such a great time. I talked to girls, finally. I love talking to girls. I hope that something like that happens more often because I really did love it. They make me happy