I remember one time I reallyu made my dad upset because I came home later than I was supposed to when I was 10 or 11 years old.
I was friends with this kid named Andrew. He wasn’t what some would necessarily call, a good kid; he was kind of a rebel and got in trouble. But I thought he was cool.
He had a birthday party at a nearby park. His dad, step-mom, step-sister, and step-brother were the ones throwing him the party and I was his only friend to be there at his birthday party. After I got permission to go to his party, Andrew and I rode our bikes to the park. His party wasn’t very big, like I sad. And it consisted of the usual birthday things: friend and family, birthday cake, and presents.
He had gotten a Nintendo 64 and we went back to his house to play on it. I knew I had to be home because it was getting dark, but he wanted me to stay a little loner to play some video games, so I agreed to stay. We played WWE Smackdown. He loved it.
A knock comes from his door and it’s his mom telling us that my dad was waiting outside for me. I knew I was in big trouble. I was supposed to be home hours ago. I walk outside and in the night, my dad is standing on the sidewalk and he looks more pissed off than I’ve ever seen him. He yells at me and spanks me, and questions me as we walk home; three houses away.
We walk inside my house and in the the living room, my mom is standing there waiting. My dad wasn’t finished yet either: he yells louder and spanks me harder. He tells me how he was worried that I hadn’t come home and asking why I didn’t come home on time. I stand there frozen and crying. He slaps my face and demands an answer. I see his frown quiver a bit and hear his voice crack a little. All i could say was that I didn’t know and that I was sorry. He crushes my soul when he tells me that I lost his trust. He tells my mom to get me to take a shower and send me to bed.
I’m shaking as I’m taking off my clothes to shower and my mom is there helping me. I tell her that I was really scared of dad tonight. She tells me that I scared him more than he scared me, because he was worried that I didn’t come home. So I take my cold shower and head off to bed.
Years later, I finally understand what happened that night. A worried father, scared that his oldest son at 10/11 years old didn’t come home when he was supposed to and a friend who just wanted to spend more time with his friend on his birthday, because this was the most time that he would ever spend with a friend on his birthday.
My life is changing. It’s probably for the better. But I’m scared and nervous and almost happy…
Whatever happens to me in 2013, I hope it’s a better than what 2012 gave me, and I hope it’s double the greatness that 2011 was.
I thought about this all day, and I know this is related to my “to my future son” post, but this was provoked by my own father. he asked me today what do I want out of my son, what would I teach him, how will I be a role model for him?
I didn’t have an answer for him, which I usually don’t. Partly because when something so complex like that, for me, takes a while to answer. I have to think about it and even then, it’s a little difficult for me to actually say it. So I guess I’d rather type it out :/
And all day, the one thing that I kept going back to and one thing I know for sure that I want to build up for my son, or to show him is what even I lack sometimes:
By the time my son is a grown man, I want him to already have such a high bar of confidence that he’s a leader among his people and that he can wisely stand up for himself and accomplish tasks earned from hard work.
I want him to refine his confidence in high school/college and to use it for his advantage and for the advantage of others that might look up to him. I want him to use his confidence for good, obviously. I want him to build confidence to ask a girl out without being so scared, or to defend his points and arguments in the classroom and give powerful presentations and a leader among his friends!
My kid will probably follow my footsteps of not being the tallest or biggest kid in school, so middle school and elementary might be tough for him. That’s when I will really start to push him to be smart and to be confident. One of the things that happened to me in my early school years was that i got picked on and bullied, and I was always disappointed in myself that I let the other kid get the better of me. I always thought, “what if I had just stuck up for myself, what if I had just told him to stop, what if I had just fought back, no matter what?”
that’s one of the things that will I will always be disappointed in myself, is that when i should’ve of stood up for myself, i didn’t. Against my peers, my teachers…my father.
You see, if I ever hear from school that my kid got bullied and I ask him what he did about it, and he tells me he didn’t do anything, that he let himself got picked on, that he got his feelings hurt or physically hurt and that he was too scared to do anything…I wonder how he feels, the same as me when I was his age? disappointment that he’s sitting there in shame in front of his father?? I never want that for him.
i would always want him to stand up for himself. I would be so damn PROUD to hear that he got in a fight because he was being bullied. I wouldn’t show that to him, because I don’t want him to think he should be throwing fists every time he gets picked on, but I would be so happy for him, knowing that he stood up for himself.
I want to teach my kid to be confident, to have good principals, morals, good character and hard working. Just like my father taught me, but I want to teach him to be better.
When should I start teaching my own son how to be? before he’s born. right now. I will already be what he should be so that he follows and looks up to me. So that when he starts to learn, he’ll learn it faster and smarter! He’ll be even better than me!
Put in some earphones/headphones and turn your music on, look outside that window you’re sitting next to and think aboutlife. Some of the things I think about is all the mistakes I’ve made and all the things I wish I could have done differently. I think about how things happen for a reason, and wonder why did those things have to happen and what are they leading to? A thought that came through my mind was, am I making these huge fucking mistakes as a tool to learn and to impart my hard earned wisdom upon others?
Why did I have to get in trouble? Why did I have to get busted? Why did I have to destroy a friendship? Why did I get involved? Why, why, why? I have learned from my past mistakes and I continue to make new ones…and fuck, I learn the hard way.
Another question I like to ask myself and probably a question you may have asked yourself is, where is my life going or how will I ever get to where I want to be? I sit and think about what I want to do and how I want to do it. What do I have to do to get to where I want to be?
Why me? Where am I going? What’s going to happen?
but I’m having trouble coming up with a story to tell. Ask me anything you guys might like to hear a story about, maybe my life. be specific if you can, like “tell us about the story about the first time you got beat up” or something idk
Wanna hear a story?