negative

The Latest

Aug 24, 2012

Anonymous asked: One day everyone will see past your fake exterior and meet the real asshole which is you. Then you will be alone. I will be happy when that day comes.

yeah, that asshole has come and gone, but may sometimes return for a brief moment. My exgirlfriend got too much of that asshole the last three months we went out. You would’ve been really happen then. But you think you know me. But you don’t. you may read some of my tumblr post or maybe you’re OOMF on twitter or facebook and read some of the things i say and then you think you know me. Maybe you’re friend of mine who has gotten to hang out with me and know me a little, but you don’t know me enough. Honestly, there’s really only one person who knows me more than some of my family members, but she broke up with me 6 months ago. I have so many exteriors that you probably only got to see a few of them.  I’m not an asshole, I’m a human being. You want to meet an asshole? go stick your head between your ass. and don’t talk to me about being alone. I know what that is, i’ve felt it, i’ve faced it myself. I’m not afraid to be alone, but the thing is that I’m never alone. never. you might be happy for a little bit if you do see me alone, but just  know that no matter what, I’m still going to be happier than you, whoever you are. I find my happiness and i fight for it. i don’t let any loneliness or negative feelings bring me down. those are the demons i fight everyday. So excuse me for saying this, but fuck you. fuck for you thinking you know me that you wish a curse upon me. fuck you for looking for happiness in the sadness of others. and this might seem contradictory to what i’ve said to you so far, but may God help you to open your closed eyes and mind and to bring you positive things.

One needs to be strong with positivity if one wants to overcome negativity. Help me out, God.
Gabriel Tejeda
May 28, 2012
Mar 8, 2012 / 1 note

[I Feel Different, Babe]

I feel like I got back my confidence and that I’m not so alone now. 

I’m going out with two of my best friends from high school to this club and I can’t wait to have fun with them and I feel good.

Lately, I’ve been putting a lot of things in perspective and I can see that, my life is a terrible situation but I shouldn’t make it worse by thinking the worst. I lost myself and wasn’t being myself maybe a month ago. I’m still in the process of getting better but I feel a little better. I just want to take things one day at a time, but the way I’m living I still have to try to work out my near future. My near future is important because it’s what is going to make or break me in order to have a future. That’s just the way it is.

I think Lent is making me feel a lot better because even before hand, I promised my, then, girlfriend that I would work out to make myself better and for her. Just days before Lent my girlfriend left me and at the same time I lost one of my best friends, but I kept my promise and made a promise to God: I’m gonna work out to get back in better shape and to look good. I like looking good and looking good builds confidence so I’m feeling a lot better. 

I’ve also been praying more, or at least talking to God and Jesus a lot more. They’re a part of my life that I just can’t get rid of and won’t leave me either. I’ve become more aware of myself and what I want.So what do I want? I’m not sure it would happen:

  1. but I do want her back because I’m more of myself the way she wanted me to be. I remember her telling me that she wants me to be myself after acting like a sad little bitch. I’m not that sad little bitch the last several weeks. I really loved being with her and want to bring things back to how they were, but at the same time doing things that we love to do, without holding each other back and offering full support which I totally understand now
  2. I know I want to look and feel better. I will keep working out because, honestly and even if it sounds a little corny, but I want to looks like DJ Pauly D, or Ronnie, or Mike from the Jersey Shore. I really do, I like that they are in really good shape and I want to get on their level.
  3. I still want to make movies and this summer, I am going to the the 48 Hour Film Festival here in Des Moines. As you know, or not, I love movies and I have a dream about making movies and I want to keep making movies
  4. I am going to finish TecMilenio, it’s the online college I’m going to. This school is one of the top schools in Mexico and is considered as a Mexican Harvard. It’s a good education and I will get my fucking Bachelor’s Degree in 3 years. I will finish with higher education.

These are things that I want right now so far, and I will consider them goals to achieve, God and the Universe willing. (well God and the universe are the same thing haha) 

I think Lent has made me feeling  better, made me think and wanting me to turn things to the positive, to who I am.

I cannot live negatively. I felt negative for several months and it destroyed what I cared for most and made me feel terrible. I have to go back to being positive and smiling and having fun.

So like I said

I feel different, babe. :) and this is a cheers to looking towards positivity.

Jan 7, 2012 / 11 notes

Sometimes…

I feel like my reality is construed…

I believe in movies. I believe what they teach me, no matter how fictional they are.

I believe in my dreams, no matter if they intervene with real life…dreams come true.

My mind is too fucked and full of things that shouldn’t be let loose. I have thoughts of love and betrayal, happiness and sorrow; I have thoughts that could end relationships or start new ones, make me lonely or make me popular. The positive thoughts are stronger and can be trustfully set free. 

The negative ones must be tied down. there is such thing as too much honesty.

"It is better to be kind, than to be honest."

Sometimes I have doubts and sometimes I have reassurances. God help me to keep on the positive route.

Sometimes my thoughts can be my prayers. I haven’t been praying to much, just too many thoughts. I need to pray more.

Sometimes I think if I deserve her. Sometimes I think if she would be better off without me.

Sometimes I’m left alone with my thoughts, therefore this blog.

Sometimes I worry myself and sometimes I over think too much. 

I just need somebody by my side.